Saturday, December 8, 2012

Superwoman Burns Out - Part 3

Not quite like this costume!!

THIS past summer the Superwoman, whose costume I had worn proudly, came flying full speed ahead and figuratively hit the proverbial wall with an enormous THUD! There I was left slowly sliding down that long wall only to land firmly onto my backside.
     At just two months shy of our one year anniversary in beautiful British Columbia, I had completely run out of fuel and had zero reserves left in my super duper tank. My get up and go, simply just got up and went! I physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally fell into one big, sad, exhausted, smoldering heap. Stricken by a sore throat from hell (you know the one that feels like you swallowed razor blades?) I lay in my bed agonizing. I knew it could be a very long while until I ever wanted to get up again. Ok so I am being a little dramatic, but I am getting my point across right. I cried and cried, slept and slept some more. Cried, grieved, gargled with salt water, slept and cried some more.

   Immediately I turned to my naturopath who began to treat me for mild situation depression, and adrenal exhaustion. She also adjusted my dose of bio identical hormones which I have been on for the past 2 years. They SAVED my life and I highly recommend them for any woman dealing with mid life hormonal craziness which includes depression, anxiety, weight gain, sleeplessness, emotional rollercoaster rides, heart palpitations, HOT FLASHES, no libido, (can you imagine zoning out, ie.  loss of cognitive function, memory and the ability to focus and atrophic vaginitis
(medical term for drying of… well you know where)  Girlfriends, you needn’t suffer and just say “oh well I guess this is what aging is like.” You can find relief. Truly you can.
       I received large doses of Vitamin C intravenously; vitamin B12 shots (in the arm is torturous so the fleshy behind is much better) and I began to cut out all caffeine. Yes no more instant Chatty Cathy and no more buzz! I was placed on some helpful natural supplements to boost my immune system, adrenals and mood. My nephew who is studying to be a nutritionist also came to my rescue with more wonderful ideas and encouragement!  Of course I knew to cut out all the junk and anything white or processed, including bread, rice, pasta, (oh yes) cookies, (so long chocolate chip chunks of ecstasy) and my all time most favourite thing in the whole world -black liquorice nibs! I do manage to sneak a package every now and then, when I can find them.
      I am a very spiritual person so of course I reached out to God as I always do. There were now even MORE questions that I know will never be answered but I am getting better with that. (Perhaps someday I’ll know the answers, but it won’t really matter then will it?) God sure is a hard one to understand, so anymore, I try not to. I am thankful I have the gift of faith. I explicitly trust that His plan for me is the best one and continually place my life into His good hands. My strong faith has always brought me through.

      I made sure I told my friends and family what I was experiencing and did so through phone calls, texts and emails. I asked for prayer from my husband, son, trusty friends who I knew would pray and from my new church. I needed to let those who loved me, know. I was not hiding the fact that I was seriously in bad shape.

     My only close friend in my new city happens to be my cousin. She jumped right in and performed three Healing Touch Therapy sessions on me, which I know, were enormously integral in my recovery and healing. I saw beautiful visions of my dear sister, I wept, I allowed myself to feel deep deep pain and grieved, for all the loss I had experienced in my life and was experiencing again through the death of my brother. My cousin called me everyday, brought me flowers and supported me with love.

I live about 1 1/2 hours from this gorgeous place!
     Another thing I did is I went out and bought myself a bike and made sure I was going for regular walks. I postponed the gym for the most part over the summer months for when the winter rain starts here on the coast, but took total advantage of the amazing summer we had by getting my exercise outdoors. Being out in God’s creation, for me, is one of the best natural healing balms. I am surrounded by the ocean, mountains, tall trees and fresh air and could not ask for a better place to fill up my tank and rejuvenate.

This place of vulnerability and self awareness also allowed some needed discussion with my husband who happens to be one of my best listeners. I love him for that. There were things in our relationship that had become magnified in my present ‘state’, and I very much needed to air my frustrations, disappointments and desires. So… I did. Some things are a work in progress, but tell me what marriage isn’t?
  My faith grew enormously through that period of time and I am more than grateful for the outcome. I learned first hand that with God ALL things are possible. Forgiveness is a major healing instrument which has contributed greatly to my overall healing and well being. Forgiveness for others, - AND of course forgiveness for myself.
     In the midst of the Superwoman burn I took myself to a counselor. She merely confirmed what I was already feeling. I used up a few of her Kleenexes and that was that. I haven’t been back since. However, if I really needed professional counselling or therapy I wouldn't hesitate at all. I went through a lot of great therapy when I had left my first marriage and was dealing with all my childhood losses and sexual abuse. It was hard work but so well worth it.

     At the end of the day what I continually learn with each struggle and heartache or stress, is that ultimately I am responsible for taking action for my own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. I could place the blame on others, and in some cases legitimately so, I could grow the bitterness root to new depths, fuel the fire of anger and resentment until the flames are out of control, or I could ignore the whole thing and pretend like life wasn't really even happening around me. But this last summer I chose to take the Superwoman cape off, remove her mask, and gently lead her to an honest authentic place of Grace …right beside Jesus. The place where I know that I am deeply loved for simply just being – me.

My grace is sufficient for you. For my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly so that’s Christ’s power may rest in me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

1 comment:

  1. Kelita, you are such a blessing. Through song, written word, your vulnerability & willingness to be authentic, God has touched me greatly. Thank you for being willing to be used by Him! Jenn xoxo