EVERYso often I check my TEDx Talk on Youtube and see how many views there are. I was excited to see that it had gone over the 5,000 mark- 5,105, to be exact. WOW!!! And to think it nearly didn't happen.
What an absolute mess I was just over two years ago. I remember wracking my brain, desperately trying to prepare. What should I say and how I should say it? Who is this Ted guy and why is this such a big deal? I was so stressed I could barely put two words together on paper. I was burned out, a heap on the floor, a broken, weary woman.
Why - you might ask? A few weeks prior, my brother's body had finally been recovered, after his tragic accidental drowning. My husband was recovering from surgery and a bit of a scare. My mother in law with Alzheimer's was a constant challenge and strain on my everyday life and I was still very much adjusting from moving across the country to start a whole new life! Plus, I was travelling with my speaking and singing while juggling it all. I was certainly feeling the pressures of life!
What caught me off guard were the triggers surrounding my brother's death. So many losses. One death and then another and then another. BUT- I had always been able to pull through, dig my heels in and move forward. Always.
Gord and Miss Kitty (his mom)
This time was different. There were too many layers. I was weakening. I knew that something wasn't quite right. I found myself feeling scared. This wasn't like me. I had always been the strong one, no matter what.
I really wanted to do this! It was such a privilege and honour to be invited to speak on the TED stage. My flight was booked and all the arrangements made. People were counting on me. How could I possibly back out now?
Once again I would sit at my desk and wrack that brain.
"Think Kelita, think. You've done this so many times!"
It was my story the organizer wanted me to share and I certainly knew my story well. But did I have what it took to expose myself once again, especially after what we had just experienced as a family?
In my weakness I prayed. I surrendered. I knew that by doing this talk I might be able to encourage someone else. Perhaps there was even just one person that really needed to hear my message. Then someone greater than me began to rise up inside and I knew that God's supernatural Spirit was guiding and directing me. And giving me STRENGTH! I put pen to paper and the words began to flow. I started to visualize the talk, and I reached that point of knowing, that I could and would be doing my TEDx talk.
Yeh, I still felt weary and messed up but I knew I had the help that I needed to get me through.
I am thankful that I was able to realize, once again that I am my best when I am at my weakest, so that God's power and strength can carry me. I may not be perfect but I know no matter what, I am not having to do it alone.I know what I do is never about me! Now over 5,000 people have listened to my talk and I am convinced that someone, somewhere has been encouraged in some way. Perhaps you can relate. Maybe you have are experiencing a crossroads where you are right now? Are you feeling burned out and broken? Are you in pain? Is it time to surrender and allow that weakness to introduce you to the greatest strength you have available to you? The power of the Holy Spirit. It is there for each of us to tap into.
I hope you will be brave enough to reach out and ask. God's arms are always open just waiting for you.
"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you".
If you need someone to pray or talk to please go to the link below.
Speaker, musician, comedienne, social justice advocate.
I am also a wife and mother.
I have been through many losses, tragedies and heartaches over the years but have experienced grace, love and great joy on the healing journey.
I relate easily to others who have been through much pain and embrace opportunities to share my music & message which have been my ways of coping with life's valleys and peaks.It is my life's ambition and passion to see many people set free as I have been.