A few weeks ago I sang at an event where; let's just say there were a few more that an audient. An audient is one person! I am always grateful for the opportunity to perform but sometimes when the audience is smaller than your immediate family, including the dog, it's hard work to get pumped up to do a 90 minute concert where you have to sing, make people laugh and share your inner most heartfelt thoughts that you hope will inspire and encourage others.
It's hard to be real honest at times, but here I am being very transparent, because I am trying to be really real on my blog. I don't think I'm alone when I say we all have thoughts that even we don't want to admit to ourselves. Well, when I walked out and saw there were less than 20 women in the crowd, I seriously wanted to cry. I also wanted to turn around and leave! I just didn't feel at that moment that I had the strength to do what was required of me. NOTE: This was a millisecond but none the less the quick thought did enter my mind.
"Suck it up Kelita", I said to myself. "These women have come out just to hear you tonight so please respect them and do what you always do." I have been in a similar position before but when you've been doing this for a living for over 25 years this kind of a night never seems to get any easier. You really would prefer to perform to more than less people. Who wouldn't? A performer gains so much energy from the crowd and their response. It makes the evening more rewarding not only for the artist but the audience as well.
As I arrived on the stage the music started and I belted out my opening song and smiled like there were hundreds of adoring fans. I knew I was there to sing, speak and be funny for this intimate crowd of ladies and give them my very best, in spite of what I had been feeling. The 90 minutes went by rather quickly and I found myself enjoying myself as I always do inspite of the circumstances. When the concert was over I made sure I met every single woman individually and thanks to one special lady, I sold 4 CD's - all to her!!
The drive home was another 90 minutes and thank goodness I had brought a friend along with me that night for the company. As I drove I chalked it up to another musical experience in the glamorous life of a recording artist! Actually I said "God, why do I still have to do these gigs to so few people?"
About 10 days after the concert I received an email from a woman who had been there that night.She was in attendance because of my Facebook posting about the concert. Coincidentally she had emailed me earlier in the week looking to purchase another copy of my Naked Soul CD as she had lost hers. The song "Deep Need" was really helping her through a time of grief around the loss of her mother. I was about ready to mail the CD to her but then she saw the posting and decided to come for the concert and then she could buy the CD in person.
What she wrote really took be aback.She said the song and video "The Strong One", which I played and performed that night, had really impacted her. She said that if it wasn't for hearing and seeing the video of "The Strong One" that night, she was planning on leaving her husband the very next day.
I reread what she wrote, again and then again - just to make sure I had read correctly.My throat tightened up and my eyes slowly welled with tears. My mind immediately travelled back to that night of the small intimate crowd. It all made sense now. I knew it wasn't about me. It never is about me. Everything was put in perspective. I was once again reminded why I sing - why I write, why I have opened up my life so freely for others to look at. And most importantly how my healing journey points them to the One who has brought me through so much.
I then thanked God for showing me He always has a greater plan in the midst of my weakness and many insecurities.
Once again - humbled.