Monday, August 30, 2010

Empty Nest

One more week until my one and only little bird flies away. He is going to be a university student in exactly one week's time. On one hand I am so happy for him to have that experience but this mama bird has been having a hard time lately. It's not been a great summer for me in many ways and I will be so glad when the summer of 2010 is only a distant memory.

In some ways I feel like the same over emotional woman that I was about this time 17 years ago as I cried when I saw pregnant women and literally bawled in prenatal classes when I saw the movie where the baby was shown being born. It's a huge time of growth and change. Both are necessary but both are painful.

Where have the years gone? Is this the end of the era? I know that things must change as they are meant to but my heart is having a hard time adjusting to this new season in our lives. (yes I am crying as I am typing....and playing the Spa Channel with music being played in a minor key is not helping any either)

It's true when they say that menopause often brings to the forefront those places in ourselves that haven't been healed from our pasts. Well - what great timing, as I currently experience a lack of hormones and the emotional empty nest syndrome which all has me reflecting on my own sad experience of leaving the nest. But I was glad to leave my nest. No, the sad part comes with the lack of concern, care and love from the step parents that didn't know how to parent when I left home, or when I was in the home for that matter.

So I guess it's OK to cry out my tears not only for my son's departure but for the residue of pain that I never dared the chance to experience when I was 18 as I traveled 2,200 miles all alone to start university and a new life in Toronto. I already had too much grief to deal with in my teen years. Interesting how God has a way of allowing us to be protected even from ourselves when the weight of pain at a particular time just might be too much for us to bear. So now as a mom He gives me the opportunity to stop and care enough for that young scared girl who entered a whole new world all on her own 34 years ago. And to love her.

I am proud of myself for having the God given healthy instincts and knowledge to be a loving, nurturing and caring mother who now has the wisdom to know it's time for her son to fly...all on his own.


  1. I remember meeting you and Keldon the first time. It is imprinted strongly in my mind. You and he had just come to the church nursery I think for your first time. Isn't that poignant that we are both sending off our kids now at the same time.

    You never know. You might just become a pseudo parent to a young girl in a similar situation, or at least a mentor. Maybe Keldon will bring friends home who you will minister to.

    I became a sub-momma to one of Rebeccas friends in Winnipeg. She chose to call me this, since she didn't have any contact with her real mom.

    Look for the people God is about to bring into your life. Your pain will not go to waste.

    Besides, I'm sure you could drive to Brock to take Keldon out for dinner often in between his trips back home :) God plants us where he chooses, and then gives us the nourishment he decides we need when we need it.

  2. Oh, Kelita. My own little fledgling is two, perhaps three, years away from this moment, but I am already feeling the pangs.

    A mother's life is weaning. From the moment they are born and thus weaned from our bodies, through all the milestones of growing independence - solid food, mobility, school, overnight camp, Wonderland excursions with no adults, driving, dating, going away to university - it's all weaning.

    Your accurate description of yourself as a "loving, nurturing and caring mother who now has the wisdom to know it's time for her son to fly...all on his own" brings to my mind what the psalmist says:

    My heart is not proud, O LORD,
    my eyes are not haughty;
    I do not concern myself with great matters
    or things too wonderful for me.

    But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
    like a weaned child with its mother,
    like a weaned child is my soul within me.

    O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
    both now and forevermore. (Psalm 131)

    Isn't that what we want for our children and ourselves? Instead of pride and haughtiness, a stilled and quieted soul that puts our hope in the Lord, now and forever more. How beautiful that this state of mind is compared to ... weaning.

    Linda Ruth Ciglen

  3. Hi again, Kelita
    But for lack of good hormones, I do have a completely natural and extremely effective answer if you're interested- it got me thru menopause with no hot flashed- none of the 'usual' symptoms- works like a charm by balancing your endocrine system- provides the precursors to ALL hormones so you body just tops them all up- lovely!
    Let me know if you want to know more,

  4. Oh dear friend from early mom days. .. I feel a song coming on out of this experience! Menopause is no fun... but it is part of our journey and God is so good. I know myself better than ever before... so I am glad for the journey. Letting our little ones fly from the nest is exciting, but also difficult for us to let go! Love ya, and thinking of you. Now get to work on that song! LOL!